Well, it’s that time of year again. The time when all the major game publishers start to poop out all of their AAA big budget titles for the upcoming Christmas shopping orgy. I though I’d select a few choice morsels and dissect them right in from of you, spill out their gooey insides for all the world to gawk at in amazement. Keep in mind the following opinions are just that, my ill-informed highly unprofessional, and possibly juvenile opinions. Well, this train isn’t going to wreck itself, so let’s get started.
All I could think about when this game was first debuted last year was, “I can’t wait to tomawk somebody right in the fucking face!” I was so excited, it’s gonna be like last of the Mohicans, only in a game. Now I understand that it’s a pretty long and winding narrative path to somehow shoehorn Conner into the AC universe, but this is fucking ridiculous. When you are five chapters into the game and you still have yet to see that signature white hooded Assassins cloak, you know Ubisoft is doing it wrong. I feel like every Character in the game should be wearing a Scumbag Steve hat. I like the hunting aspect of the game, if only because it fits. I mean, If you are a native American death machine romping through the forest, you’re going to stab a bear or two in the neck, there’s no way around this. What would be the perfect compliment to that type of gameplay? I know, navel battles! What. The. Fuck. I wanted to like this game so bad, but it just didn’t want to be my friend. To end this on a positive note, Ubisoft continues to blow my ass away with it’s game engine. Everything looks fantastic, scenery, characters, sound effects, and animation. Anyone who’s tried to run in deep snow knows they nailed that run animation for those parts. Probably helps that they are Canadian developers, and that’s how they get to work everyday. Running though deep snow with a rabid grizzly hot on their heels.
There you go, a completely unhelpful, quick little snapshot of the games that will be occupying millions of gamers consoles this season. In the immortal words of Wayne Campbell: “Game on!”
As a close, I’d like to make a special mention of two more big games this season. That would be Need For Speed: Most wanted and Call of Duty: Black ops II. Go fuck your respective selves EA and Activsion.